Many women and girls remain silent about sexual assault in past relationships. There are many reasons for this. Often they are ashamed, under threat, or, because of myths which state that the only real rape is stranger rape, they feel that they can't call it rape.
Even when they become aware at some levels that what happened was rape, they may feel embarrassed about coming out perhaps a long time after the fact and saying that an ex-partner raped them. Social responses cast a very jaundiced view upon women who "change their minds" afterwards and belatedly "cry rape." Often, the target of invective is feminists who allegedly "encourage" women to label non-rape experiences as rape. Women comment that they ""feel like liars" in calling partner rape by its name. But this is not because they are liars - the truth has been stifled under fear, trauma, and whatever they may have internalized about what is real rape.
For many survivors of partner rape, it is essential that they "change their minds" in order to heal. No matter how many times they went back, no matter how long they kept it secret or why, it still happened. If you have had the weight of social myth stacked against you so that you were confused about whether you can call a rape a rape or not, and you have now decided to give what happened its name, that is a step towards victory.
This is a blog for survivors, supporters, professionals and others with an interest in Intimate Partner Sexual Assault. The more voices we hear about this common but underreported and hidden crime against women, the better. So, share your thoughts - and see ground rules below.
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